A letter to US English.

 Dear #US #English

Though I am so jet-lagged traversing across the Atlantic a zillion times, and hopping time zones,  to meet up to your standards, I have pulled my socks up, to write to you.

Could you ever imagine the endless loop you put me into with your native bearer - not only did my content trip to your land, but also experienced misadventures galore(as if seated on one of those thrill-rides in Disneyland, with no seat-belt on).

So, it was long due, to finally have a heart-to-heart talk with you, I mean, since the last decade or more, you have been glorified, rhapsodized and even patronized as the de-facto English that must be adopted by those who provide services to your country.

Has it gone unnoticed that you have grown to the largesse of a burger king -indomitable and unconquerable(like the rampage of water hyacinths on Indian water bodies). Outpacing even the native #UK speakers, with your 'supposedly 'simple' 'grammar-free' , 'free-for-all' , 'direct' , 'fuss-free' approach, you have assumedly won the hearts of millions(like holding teen-hearts in sway who would rather surf on 10-foot high tidal waves, for a kick of adrenaline than row their boats in the calmer pacific waters, or let us say, the 'instant-mojo' effect on adolescents who take to the calculator to do a single-digit addition or subtraction).

No, I don't think that the global diaspora across all age-categories is on a testosterone-high to welcome you into their lives, blindly to let loose their "Quixote' spirit, to woo their ladies. You could no way personify lady love for anybody. For, the female of the species is wired in complexity and layers. And it is not in the purview of the American #english to delve into those complexities (which XX make would look upto courtships which serenade nursery rhymes than a multi-sub-texted soul-stirring number?). One needs to express with imageries, metaphors and similes which bounce with the beauty of language, which you conveniently do away with. So, take heed, you might end up bringing in an era of spinsters and bachelors - who were distraught by the threadbare communication paradigms established by #US English, skimming away the 'soul-connect'.

In your endeavours to remain 'active' in your approach, you have obliterated the existence of the '3rd person' and 'passive' entities of the #language.And, it is your construct being deployed for #machinelearning and #artificialintelligence. Can you beat it, you have outstripped zillions of years of cognitive evolution to take language close to machine understanding! Could it get more robotic than that? Yes, when those who claim to be your flag-bearers - uphold the sanctity of your being & becoming, in their own versions! This has unleashed a 'battle of waterloo' of sorts 'tween the #classic, the #modern and the distinctly #american way of expression.

Believe me, though I hail from the land of non-native speakers of English, we #Indians have nurtured the language as our own - tracing from the #British roots. We have had #Nobel laureates from English Literature, to the likes of Rabindranath Tagore - who  celebrated English with artistic #elqouence.

Why Tagore, Robert Frost's musings and widely acclaimed #poetry defy your mutilation in the name of going digital and 'instant', in today's #technology manic world! Frost must be writhing in his grave at the sound of the crunch that breaks the meter, rhythm and melodic flow in a sentence(You don't accommodate more than 10 words in a sentence)

So, it is never without a flip and slip that I take to you - when I am in the service of a client, who apparently raises you to a pedestal and refuses to strike a rapport with the #commonman like me, who is termed handicapped without the #american slant. Arrghh! In the name of preserving your precincts, I might have been subject to genetic mutations to assimilate your essence.

But Nay, I escaped just in time. Phew! While you hold the mass appeal for both humans and machines, just like pizzas and burgers, I would say that you are numbing the cognitive faculties of the human brain. Sometimes, I feel your readership could be compared to the intellectual level of chimpanzees!

Pardon me , no offence, meant but with your rendering of grammar-ly ways of 'no passive voice, no third person, no/excess articles, no objectivity', you have left every classic user of the language in the state of an 'The Emperor's New/No clothes'. Yes, you are shamelessly threadbare!

Signed

"Sir-Chasm"